5 things you have to do if your life turns to shit

toilet seat

A survival kit

Ok, there you are, you managed to hit rock bottom, a state of ultimate broke and despair, a face to face with bankruptcy and depression.

Since problems usually come in bundled offers, destiny has treated you with a few more disappointments: your girlfriend now thinks you should be “good friends” while your actual buddies lost all their fingers and can’t pick up your calls.

You’re on your own.

Before considering options like suicide by gas or meth overdose, try these tips, they’re great when everything is falling apart.

Work out

Run, swim, do yoga and BREATHE BIG. Do whatever it takes to flood your system with fresh blood and oxygen.

There are good reasons why working out squashes depression.

Google it if you’re not convinced.

On top of that: you don’t need to think to work out, that’s great when you feel you have Mayo instead of a brain.

Look up!

Don’t look down, that’s what everybody does when depressed.
Look up.

Also: pump up your chest. Smile if you can. Remember your posture the last time you were feeling great (right before you checked your latest bank statement).

That’s no bs: position your body as if you were feeling good, your mind will follow (they’re connected, that’s why).

Watch South Park

Or whatever dumbest comedy works for you. Everything has been made fun of, that includes the kind of crap you’re going through.

Talking yourself out of bad feelings doesn’t work as well as laughing them out.

Here’s a good piece about being broke for instance:

 

Remember: that’s not forever

I don’t care if it sounds lame to say it, so I’ll say it again:

“This too shall pass”.

Think about  all the disasters you experienced where you thought pain would crush you entirely…

What’s left of all that?

Nothing.

The same will hold true for this present situation.

Ride the blessing

Don’t believe you’re cursed, you’re not.

Hard times operate like purifiers: they shower away life’s cling-ons: unreliable people, crappy girlfriends (or boyfriends), jobs that you hated anyway.

They also cleanse your life of stale beliefs and help you gain actual knowledge on yourself.

Once the storm is gone, you’ll start a new life: you’ll be wiser and stronger, and you’ll know for sure who you can really count on.

Ride the blessing, you’re not on your own.

And if it’s an encouragement you need, you surely have mine :)

For a weekly shot of life-saving posts about self-help, Buddhism and urban survival, you can subscribe here.

In case you want deeper content to support you through difficult times I strongly recommend this book: “When Things Fall Apart”, by Pema Chodron

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  • http://davidmashton.blogspot.com David Ashton

    Good advice – and very kind of you to to take the time to pass it on!

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Thanks David, I did that list for myself as much as for everyone, hoping nobody needs to use it too often…

      • al2912

        You are a very nice person! Thank you.

        • Gaël Blanchemain

          Thank you :)

          • john

            have you seeing it in past, that women will always tell you that thy love you when you have money and you have a good job, but when thats gone so is she. but your right if something dose not kill you it will make you stronger. becoming your owen best friend is key.

          • Gaël Blanchemain

            Yes, in the long run nothing works as well as being your best buddy, your best supporter, with humor, tenderness and strength.

  • Alex

    Merci Gael pour ces conseils, je partage l’idée du work out, à laquelle je citerai la cuisine, se mitonner un bon petit plat, cela vous ancre, c’est basique et puis avec un peu de chance c’est bon aussi. Et le jardin, faire son potager, planter des fleurs ou quitter ce satané roncier qui vous bouche la vue. On se connecte ainsi à la terre et selon la formule : on revient aux fondamentaux.

    Par ailleurs dans ces moments j’essaie de ne pas me laisser sombrer.
    Il ne s’agit pas de nier sa douleur avec des “Yes you can, come on!!”. Non c’est que parfois ces peines nous confirment dans cette fausse idée que tout, tout est de la merde, alors on se dit à quoi bon, et là, on s’appuie gentiment sur la tête pour couler un peu plus. On passe de la déprime à la dépression. Contre qui, quoi, passer sa douleur, sinon nous-même et l’on retarde d’autant le prochain sourire.

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Merci, mec. C’est vrai, y a une mesure juste à trouver, la tension juste de la corde, j’imagine.

      Mais la musique change tout le temps, donc c’est toujours une danse assez approximative, c’est ce que j’apprends a accepter.

  • http://whotaughtyouscience.com Sharkwave93

    “Look Up”. That really caught my attention. Great advice! Maybe the easiest and one of the best change of actions to do when you feel down. Thanks for making this list, I’ve been feeling kind of down lately. I’ll put this advice into action.

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Thanks for letting me know what drew your attention, I’m also busy applying my own advice these days :(
      Take care!

  • Stevie smith

    Thanks for the advice I’m early mid thirties and I own nothing. My girlfriend screwed me over (we are no more) I have no house no car hell not even a f licence! I feel like the worlds greatest loser! Like I wasted my time on all the wrong things. Worst still my family treat me like I know nothing when I have probably had more life experiences than they have put together! But because I have nothing their stupid reasoning is somehow justified! Well the only they are justified in is that I screwed life up! That is for sure! But hey good advice I try to work out sometimes and it does work a bit. Unfortunately for me everything else closes in again once the endorphins have gone and I feel screwed again. But hey I suppose the only way up is here!

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Stevie, I appreciate you taking the time to drop a message.

      I’ve been in a horrible place a few months ago too. Just like you. Actually, that’s how I ended up writing this article :)

      I’m convinced we will make it, let’s not forget that personal mistakes are the best material for personal wisdom. At least that’s how I see it.

      The only way is up. Hang in there, my friend, and keep me posted! (my FB https://www.facebook.com/gael.blanchemain)

    • Anonymous

      Hey Steve, I’ve been through the same things man, in fact it reads like I wrote it!!
      Just to say I know it’s an old cliche but hang in there, it does get better with time. I’m here today because old feelings have resurrected themselves but I’m trying to ride it out,
      Take care

  • anna

    Hi there,
    thank you so very much for your advice, it helps put things in perspective and I was able to breathe easier after reading :) Good for you for also getting out of your horrible place, if it means anything, I’m proud of you! I am going to vent here and then try and just move on and rebuild my life. I just moved provinces leaving behind my friends and now live with my alcoholic mom and her new boyfriend who I don’t get along with. I worked all summer to pay for this dance school that I know found out I can’t do which really sucks and ruins future plans I was counting on, as well as relaxing this summer. I am now not enrolled in any schoool living in a new city and beyond terrified of the future because I have no idea what it holds. I have to wait a week to register just for the public highschool in my area and I’m scared to be missing this school. My little sister hates where we live with my moms boyfriend and is upset with the way my mom acts when she’s drunk and I don’t know what to do. I feel worried and really scared. Any advice would be very welcome :)

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Thanks for your kind words, Anna.

      I’m sorry to hear about the kind of challenges you’re going through. I’ve known similar situations earlier in my life, so I think I can relate very well.
      There’s one thing that’s true with parents: you’re not responsible for them. You can only offer your love and some support if possible, but it’s normally the other way around. Your priority has to be yourself.

      You need to take care of yourself, and now is a critical time since you’re busy enough growing up. If you can, try to see a counselor, that’s what I did at the time, since sometimes we’re trapped with a feeling of guilt and that keeps us stuck in dysfunctional situations.

      Regarding dance school, if their office is open at this time, go talk to them. At worst, you might manage to get started for evening classes, don’t let your dream fade away. It might not work exactly as planned, but if you hold on, it’ll work, I’m confident.

      Stay in touch,
      hugs
      gael

  • Aga 13

    Hi there.
    First thing I have to say is that even writing about how I feel is extremely hard, it’s like exposing my self…maybe it’s a fear of admitting that I’m struggling to cope with my self quite often…

    I’ve been feeling rubbish on and off for sometime now…:( and I haven’t done anything about it…I just thought life is shit now there is nothing I can do to make it better…my brain was focused on how scrap I’m feeling!
    And then I found your blog/web and when I read about the simple “steps” you can “take” to feel better, I felt better :)
    My favourite is “LOOK UP” it works great! Its so simple and off course I have to remind my self to do so but I feel like I’m much taller and kind of above everyone :),positive thoughts started flowing thru my silly head and that’s what I needed badly :-/
    I really don’t know how long it will work/last for but it’s worth a try and it feels good! :)
    So thank you very much for sharing your ideas :)
    It means a lot!♡
    Ps.I hope you’re feeling good and you don’t need to apply any “tricks” to feel happy…
    Thank you again.
    Take care.

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Thank you for boldly expressing how you’ve been feeling lately, I’m grateful you did it here. The trick that works for you (looking up) uses your body as a support to improve your mood. Chances are other postures would work even better, Yoga could be a sensible option (just suggesting). Thanks again for stopping by, and no worries, I’m doing well these days :)

  • David

    Thanks for the good advice… I am really at rock bottom at the moment I just hope I don’t end up face down in rock

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      You won’t, David. What’s going on?

  • Paul

    Hi, really good and uplifting article thanks to you for posting

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Thanks Paul!

  • Anonymous

    Obviously the author hasn’t experienced souk destroying grief. Truly – nothing matters – nothing worth living for.

    • Judy

      Right? Or having all those same problems but having them at 60, and no place to live soon. Hey, I’ll stand like I’m feeling good in the park when I’m living there!

    • Wolfgang

      Everyone has experienced soul destroying grief. You are not special. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it.

  • caitlin

    I read what you wrote and I’d like to say thank-you. My problems might not be as big as other peoples but they still make me feel like shit. I’m thirteen and I’m in my first year of high school – I came from a primary school where I was really popular now I walk into a classroom and girls look at me and laugh like I’m their inside joke.They pull my hair and make fun of me. Now i go to a psychologist for my anxiety problems. Sorry to rant but I’m so sick of feeling sad all the time, I’m so sick of having to look good all the time and put make-up shit on my face every day and I’m sick of pretending that I like and give a shit about people who are horrible to me. I took your advice – I’m exercising and that is helping. Thanks x

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Caitlin, thanks for saying thanks :)
      You made the right decisions by addressing your feelings with a psychologist, taking exercise and exploring solutions, especially at your age! I wish I had done that as young as you, that would have saved me years of darkness.

      Changing school is tough, you can lose all your social credit without notice, but quickly after you can gain it back, there’s no real logic to it. What really matters is how YOU handle all that, how you learn to understand it and develop through that turmoil. Sounds like you’re doing a great job, I promise you’ll never regret it.

      Take care, I’m with you and I wish you the best

  • SC

    Good positivity buddy! I am in a shitty career for quite some time now…the only thing that has made me survive is the constant assertiveness of the belief that “things will get better”, though they haven’t, but, you never know. I wish you and everyone who had to read this, all the very best.

    The background picture is an excellent choice! Unlimited possibilities on the road of life.

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Thanks SC, nice of you to leave an uplifting note on the visitor’s book :)

      I also wish you the very best, I can only think of a bright future for a guy who gives free encouragement without expecting anything in return.

  • Seed

    Thanks for posting this. I was actually looking to wallow after a shit day finalizing a shit career and a wasted 7 years, but this is much better. It’s encouraging to find human light out there; shine on.

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      Seed, my post was just a message in a bottle, it’s always great to hear that someone got it, in the middle of that ocean of problems. Take care and all the best for your future endeavors.

  • loser

    Bullshit – trying to do the honest and right things in my life has affected my family. We are broke and I feel like I want to die. Its all my fault.

    • Gaël Blanchemain

      So what’s the alternative?

  • http://www.gr0wing.com/ Gaël Blanchemain

    It can take a while, James, BTW, I’m still working on it. Good luck, I’m with you on that quest.

  • Snagglepuss

    Thanks. Sometimes you just need someone else, someone you’ve never met to say ‘Hey asshole. Stop wallowing in your own shit. It’s really not that bad’

    This time I forgave her. Next time I’ll visit this site and then give her one big ‘Fuck off. You’re a miserable unkind selfish bitch.’ Pack my things, my son’s things and know that whatever it is… IT GET’s BETTER!

    • http://www.gr0wing.com/ Gaël Blanchemain

      Be kind to yourself and forgive everyone, they don’t know what they’re doing. Thanks for stopping by, my friend :)

  • move

    Islam is the solution

  • http://www.gr0wing.com/ Gaël Blanchemain

    You will make it, Syam. And yes, you have still plenty of time to build a dream of your own.

  • Jason

    I been working out since I was 20 ( I’m 31 now) I’m in great fucking shape got a big chest big arms six pack all that and I still feel like killing myself. So I can definitely argue with that theory that working out is gonna somehow make things better. and how do u expect someone to start something like weight lifting and dedicate themselves when they are so messed up inside they can barely function? It’s not like it’s easy to just go work out and get In Shape if it was everyone would be walking around looking like he-man. it’s one of the hardest things to stay dedicated to and the only Reason I keep doing it is because luckily I started when I was young enough to still have a little hope for the future and now I don’t want to lose the muscle I’ve built over the past 11 years but I know for sure there’s no way I could get myself to do it at this stage in my life. U said that one good thing about working out is u don’t have to think? What u think as soon as people walk in the gym their brains just shut down until they leave? Well maybe u dont think for the 45 seconds that your doing a set of 6-8 reps but as soon as that’s over its thinking time again so no working out is not a way to escape your your feelings. and walking around with your head high and chest puffed out? Don’t u think that just makes u look like a fucking douchebag? Fuck I’m 6’5″ I could hold my head up puff out my chest and walk down the street and feel superior to everybody if I wanted to unfortunately I want a little more out of life than to just walk around feeling like I’m better than others cuz I carry myself like I think I’m special. I mean of course u dont walk with ur head down that just makes u look weak and scared and makes u a target but I seem to remember kids talking about that in like grade 4 so I learned not to do that a long time ago. But the working out thing and telling people to walk around with their chest out makes me think u really don’t know what ur talking about so just be careful cuz sometimes people really just need to vent and say what they need to say and that will be the end of it. But when u want to sit there And argue with someone and judge them and trivialize what they r going through that’s the type of thing that makes a person want to go shoot up a theatre because they were looking for help and all they got was “oh you’re just feeling sorry for yourself” or “Get over it” so I guess those people that lost family in those mass killings need to get over it and stop feeling sorry for themselves right?

    • http://www.gr0wing.com/ Gaël Blanchemain

      Jason, no I’m not trying to argue that it’s enough to work out, but it helps, same for the chest puffing, and meditation, and many other factors that are meaningless taken individually but can make a huge difference if applied well.

      And no, I don’t have the secret sauce to happiness, still working on it, but how did you come to believe that my message was that simple? I guess if you read a bit more of my stuff, you’ll get it that I don’t come from a place of arrogant chastizing.

  • mastedon2

    Garbage anyone? I just read some above….

    • http://www.gr0wing.com/ Gaël Blanchemain

      You couldn’t help but read it, though. It’s tasty garbage, isn’t it?

  • Allen

    Im 23 and i feel like shit already but theres mo way im commiting suicide even if i have nothing to live for i still wana live but all im saying is theres nothing interesting anymore in life.. The only joy i get from going outside now is to go smokd cigarettes.. Weed dosnt work anymore it just gets me too depressed… Fuck this life honestly fukin boring ass life… Im not gay so dont get me wrong nowadays even pussy dont interest me anymore i barely masterbate… Not that i cant get girls.. Thank god i have been gifted in trapping pussy but even that hasnt got me active either let alone masterbating..

    • http://www.gr0wing.com/ Gaël Blanchemain

      Hey Allen.
      Fuck, when I read you, it’s like reading myself when I’m not doing OK. Needless to say that I can relate. I’m pretty sure you’ll come to closure with all that crap, give it a chance until it works. I know it sounds corny and patronizing, but sometimes it’s not so much about life than the way we tend to see it. Hang in there, brother.

  • Hector

    Lode of tosh. I am an alcoholic. I stopped drinking 2 years ago & life seems to get worse every day. Lost partner have been to court to see my little girl & won but still struggling to see her. I’ve not been violent or cheated. Bought a car with inheritance from my grand father ( who hated me & threatened to kill me ) which promptly broke down. Mechanic charged £1500 to fix & in under 3 weeks same problem. Took it back to fix again & told if it happens again I will need a new engine. Garage 12 month warranty & £200 to sort it out again Guess what it went again. Now no car & £1700 for car £1700 to repair down. I only have 2 friends to speak of & don’t get to see them very often. I live with my mother because all my money is going to pay over £10,000 To solicitors & barristers for contact with my little girl. £200 a month on child support.witch it look like my ex is spending on a vacation. & my mother is getting dementia who threatens to kick me out at the drop of a hat. I work full time & have to grovel for food. When I am asked to help someone even if I can’t stand them I’m alway to egar to help & I don’t know why because I end up kicking my self. It’s not merphys law its ***rs ( me) law. If it can go wrong it’s going to happen to me. Even on a good day if ther is such a thing. Being a Buddhist I think of karma & in my past life I mus have been hitler Ming or even darth vader. I truly wish I was making it up or a bad dream but It’s not. Even those close to me can see it & can’t explain how or why. The list of events is huge. I just wish some thing good would happen for me. But I know wishing is a waste of time. Oh by the way I’m not stupid IQ is around 150 ish. My feelings about gref are relative. Say a little girls cat is hit by a car her gref will always be grater to her than my gref of losing my family.